Ah, romance.

For those of you that don’t know (as if anyone who doesn’t know me is reading this), I am a lover of classic British romance novels. No, not the modern sexual fantasy novels with hunky guys shirtless on the cover, but REAL romance. Most recently I came to the realization that I had never completely read North and South, by Elizabeth Gaskell. For shame!!! I’ve recently come to realize that I prefer North and South to Pride and Prejudice in some ways. I know, I know! It’s almost sacrilegious. It tears me apart to even think of it. But it’s true. And there’s a reason.

(My thought process was created with the aid of my wonderful sister Ms. Molly Lewis, and she deserves a lot of credit for what is about to be written. Just so everyone knows.)

Both Austen and Gaskell follow similar if not identical storylines. Girl meets boy, girl dislikes boy for character flaws, boy likes girl for her personality (helped along by her being remarkably handsome), girl rejects boy, girl realizes boy is awesome; girl and boy share a wonderful and beautiful moment in the final pages and make me wish I lived hundreds of years ago. Also make me consider trying to bring back that style of necktie. They look so dashing. The same right? Not so fast!

The difference lies in the characters perception of themselves and what they deserve. The two scenes that best represent what I mean are the same in both books. The initial proposals are both met with vehement rejection, but the man’s attitude in each is different. While Darcy is assured in his own mind of success, Thornton hardly allows himself to hope. Success for Darcy would simply be a realization of his own self-worth, while for Thornton it is something only imaginable, beyond belief. Darcy feels that he deserves Elizabeth. Thornton knows that Margaret is too good for him. By the end of each novel the two people are together. While Austen gives a sense of real happiness between her two lovers, Gaskell does more. And her version of love is what I want in my own life.

Thornton knows that he doesn’t deserve Margaret. Margaret knows that she doesn’t deserve Thornton. Darcy and Elizabeth may live happy together until their deaths and if so that’s wonderful. But Mr. and Mrs. Thornton will live every day of their lives together feeling like the luckiest people in the world. If you can’t wake up in the morning and look at your husband or wife and feel that kind of emotion, then I think that you are missing out. And that’s why I’m still single ;)



I kid. I don’t think that I have too inflated an idea of my own self-worth; I think that I need someone who challenges me. And yes Molly, I read the ending of North and South four times. It was beautiful.

I wrote that previous post last week, but just now brought my computer into the land of connectivity. Such is the life of a woodland man. I was about to write about how pretty the snow was as it drifted down from the heavens. Before I could transfer my thought to the page it went from oh so pretty to oh damn. "wintery mix" which means icy slush and silly drivers. This happens multiple times per year people, get used to it!

In reference to my earlier post, I have an update. I just read my sister Molly's favorite book Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis. If you haven't read, get off your ass. Go to the bookstore. Buy it. Read it. Pass it along to a friend. Unfortunately for me there are few people here in Pope County Arkansas that would read it if I gave it to them...

Give them a free welder and they'll be over the moon. Classic literature? Maybe not. That's what Molly is for!!!

Also, I need ideas for a name for my "ranch." Any and all suggestions are welcome.

Self Realizations

I am continually reminded throughout my life that others know me better than I know myself. No matter the trappings of life that I choose to surround myself with, or the current situation. They know how my mind works. The foremost of these (far beyond the nearest of comaprison) is my beloved sister Molly.
She recently (and yes I call several months ago recent, since she was herself a year late in sending it) sent me a novel crafted around the idea that the novels of Jane Austen can teach us how to live life. While mildly tedious and repetitive in some parts it is a delightful memoir that I throroughly enjoyed.

I wonder if my sister while reading it mentally put quotations around certain passages and aimed them in my direction. I would not have been surprised to see whole paragraphs highlited with a sidebar comment- "This is for you little brother!" Beyond the obvious dicussions of pride, prejudice, love, forbearance, etc... was another lesson that I realize I haven't fully learned. How to read a book. Molly, I hope that you remember the time many years ago that I laughed at you and poked fun over your reading a hefty tome titled How to Read a Book. For that instance I apollogize. I do not apologize for trying to sneak into your room to turn off the Titanic sountrack. You tortured me with it for months. I despised you.

I grew up in a literary family. In comparison to many others we read a lot. A vast amount in fact. I was a voracious reader in my youth and prided myself on being above my peers in that respect. I read longer, more complex, and higher grade level books, and thought that made me better. I was a snob, if that term can be used in referance to a twelve-year-old. Having nothing else to feel superior about I clung to it. My junior year in AP english language we would analyze a new passage from a novel every day. I recall feeling so superior when I was the only one who could recognize a passage and already knew what to say.The best example is the Mr. Collins proposal. I'd read the book and seen the film multiple times. Needless to say, my level of knowledge of 18th century english romance did little to increase my social standing. If I'd been smarter I would've kept my mouth shut and feigned indifference like the rest of the class. The annoyance I feel now is that that sense of academic superiority is now without merit and has no real foundation amongst people of my age group.

While at 16 I was beyond my peers in literary study, I am now immensely behind. I can hardly feel guilty for the fact itself. Most of my then-peers went on to college and spent years of their lives dedicated specifically to furthering their knowledge of the written word. I rowed around the Atlantic with 140 guys. Boat quote- "We can't watch that movie tonight, it doesn't have any titties in it!!" True story. Not exactly intellectually stimulating.

The question  resulting from this reflection is- what do I do now? I want to learn how to read again. I used to mistakenly equate volume with knowledge. If I simply stuffed more words into my brain it made me a better reader. When I was in high school that was enough, but is it still? Thoughts?


Current read is DH Lawrence- Sons and Lovers. It appeared on my shelf from somewhere. Molly, was that you?
 

Visitation

So, my oldest sister Amanda is coming to visit me next week and I'm trying to think of things to do while she is here. Luckily she likes the outdoors and things that involve nature and my house is right next to the national forest. Nice! I knew that I picked my house for a reason. I figure we can go hiking and riding somewhere, go to a movie . . . . I'm hoping that she's easy to please as far as entertainment. When the rest of my family came to visit I had an entire itenerary. I am unprepared. And I need to clean my house. It's not that bad, but not that good either. Re-wash the sheets on the guest bed, clean the bathtub (it was last used to wash the dog), put the guns somewhere other than everywhere . . . there's a long list.

My last post was in August of 2010. How very sad for all you out there, breathe bated, waiting for my next outpouring of genius. I feel for you and am now going to give you something to read. I'm sure that the people who read my blog (read that read as past tense. Ha! fun with language) already know that I left the Navy and moved to Arkansas to pursue a more enjoyable lifestyle. I bought a house, have horses, a dog, a temporary cat, and am much happier now then I was when I last posted. Well, happier in my sistuation. Apparently I was quite enamored with a beautiful girl last time I wrote on here and now I'm single. That was a fun reminder. Thanks blog. New to my family (the only people that read this) I have purchased a motorcycle to replace the one that I sold before leaving CT. Very pretty, very nice. My good friend Kathryn was helping me to pick out names and love her idea. I'm going to name her after a famous pin-up artist. She's a genius! Betty, Rita, Dorothy, Jane . . . so many! You can see what she looks like here. The review from the associated article was not that great but the pictures are good. I don't agree with his appraisal at all, but he is allowed to be wrong. Name suggestions are welcome. It is also my recommendation that if you choose to tell my mother about this that you do so when she is not driving or involved in any other activity that could cause bodily harm. She might have a severely negative reaction, as she hates the idea of me riding a motorcycle. I won't point out that I also shoot guns all of the time, go horseback riding, and work in an industrial power plant every day. I'll take the risk.

What else is new with me? Not much. I need to work on decorating my house more and getting some more furniture so that I take some things out of the boxes in my spare bedrooms. I'm not in much of a hurry since these are things that I don't really use and don't need to display. I feel like I should have a more permanent storage solution since I don't plan on moving anytime in the next 50 years or so. Decor is the more important issue. My house is out in the country and I have horses so some people would think that I would have horsey, hunting, or woodland pictures EVERYwhere, but I don't like that style at all. My wonderful sisters and my mother have posted some excellent ideas on pinterest. I really do like the firelog wall decor idea. I will almost definitely put some shelves in to duplicate it. Evetually. I also love the wine-cask bath/jacuzzi. Awesome. When I remodel my bathroom I might knock out the wall to the closet just to put one in. You can view them here. I'm very happy that I figured out how to make a word a link. I'm so techno-savvy! I was trying to find a custom mailbox that looks like a fast-attack submarine but all I could find were ones that look like the yellow beatles submarine. Poo. I might have to make one. Ideas are more than welcome and can be either emailed to me or "pinned" to what is apparently my pinterest page. I have no idea how that works, I just like it! Enjoy. Much love to everyone. I'll be back in another year or two.

How did he know?

Somehow Uncle Kracker knew what I was thinking and wrote a song about it! Thanks to a special friend for introducing me to this song. Now I'm incredibly blessed to have someone in my life who makes me want to sing it.

You´re better then the best
I´m lucky just to linger in your life
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow that´s right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me
Lets me know that it´s ok yeah it´s ok
And the moments when my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed
Sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head
Spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh you make me smile

Even when you´re gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of
bed sing like bird
Dizzy in my head spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh you make me smile

Don´t know how I lived without you
Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed
sing like bird
Dizzy in my head
spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh you make me smile
Ohh you make me smile
Ohh you make me smile

Too happy for my own good!

So to start with, there are many things in my life that should be making me unhappy right now. I deploy soon and it looks like there is a decent chance that I won't get to see my family before I go. Not cool. I moved out of my house and am now couch/floor hopping until the aforementioned deployment. Also not cool. For those of you not up to date, let me know and I'll fill you in. Work is horrible, more so now than normal because I can't stop thinking that I'm supposed to be in California right now on leave and not here in the hell-hole that is CT. Also not cool.

So why you might ask am I so happy all the time? Well I'll give you a hint. I've been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow (yes that's Jane Austen, and it's perfect). Luckily for me those eyes are looking in my direction and I'm staring directly into hers. And yes, her eyes are bewitching and her face beautiful. This makes me happy. It overpowers my work and the rest of the drama of my life. Every day I look forward to hearing her voice and every time I even think of it I smile. So I'm happy and that's that.

719 Day

For those of you that don't know, today is a very special day. Today we celebrate the boat. For most of the crew it's a sarcastic and meaningless exercise, but we do enjoy the day off of work, if we get it. Somehow I am very fortunate today and don't have to go in, I get to enjoy the picnic we're having. Hopefully I get to slip away early and go do something that's actually fun.

Anyway, my hate and discontent are beyond the scope. We, the crew, mostly nukes, make fun of the diggit mentality of the upper chain of command by taking it to a whole new level. If something happens that we need to put in the logs and it happens close to 0719 or 1719 on the clock, then we log it at 0719/1719. That's just one small example of ou ever expanding ridiculousness. Our new captain came up with a new slogan for the boat: PRIDE. Providence is the only boat that has the word pride in its name, so now we get to use it all the freakin time. Every time we have quarters on the pier it ends with "Pride on 9, 719- PRIDE!!!" by the entire crew. Except for me of course. I refuse to say it in such a forum. I will, however, make fun of it every chance I get. It's one of the little things that we do to try and find some enjoyment in the misery that is our existence onboard the mighty P.

I guess I was tired

I just woke up at 2 am, halfway off of the side of the bed. I'm fully clothed, even my boots are still on. And how did I get here? I guess when you're that tired you just fall asleep anywhere and anyhow. Good thing I woke up before work!

Society

I came to the realization yesterday that people are rude. I pushed the little blue button in my truck for directions and a very pleasant woman answered. The "navigation adviser" people are almost always nice, but they get paid to be that way so it doesn't count. Anyway, I always try to be really nice to them, since I'm sure that a lot of people are not. The woman seemed genuinely surprised that I said thank you and told her to have a nice day. It reminded me of a day in high school when i stepped in front of a girl in my class to open the door for her. She stopped and told me rather haughtily that she was very capable of opening her own doors. I don't mean to sound egotistical, but what the hell happened to good manners? Be nice to people! You usually feel good about and it makes both your days better.

Yes, I have pink on my blog. It's very visible to make it easier for Emily to read. I'm ok with it.

Determinations

Everything that we are doing at work right now is in preparation for deployment. Pre=deployment training, pre-overseas movement maintenance, pre-deployment loading, etc. We've been thinking about deployment so much that we've forgotten that it's still months away. We still have over four months to go before we leave and yet we act as if we'll be saying goodbye tomorrow. It's as if we are already on our way out the door. So, I am determined to make the most of what time we do still have before we leave. Any suggestions?

?

Someone that I don't know is following my blog. Is that normal?

Parenting

So I've learned a lot of things living in my house with four kids. #1 is that I want kids. I already knew that but now it's confirmed. I would say that I want a girl but I witness the cute stage when they're six or seven and the bitchy pre-teen phase which is not fun at all ("Damn it, just get over it or start bleeding already!" is the response from my roommate). I would say a boy but they are fiendish and sneaky, more so than the girls. My determination is that there is no right answer. Either one is amazing in different ways.

Other things that I've learned-

Don't baby the baby. Just because it's little and cute does not mean that it should be able to get away with anything. It makes the older kids resent him and then they start turning on him. Not cool.

Consistency. Punishment means nothing if you turn around and cuddle two seconds later. I understand that when they're really young that after they've taken a nap or had some time to chill out, they will forget why they're being punished. You have to know when it's been enough.

Spend time with your kids!!! Children are meant to be heard, seen, felt (not in a creepy way), and experienced. Quiet does not always equal good. Kids need attention. If you have a dog you take it for walks and pet it. Multiply the time you spend with your dog by five and that's a minimum amount of time to spend with your kids.

These are just a few things that I've thought about recently and they may not be universal. I do know that the best part of my day is walking inside and have an adorable little girl hug me and not want to let go. Of course you may get the same response from a loving dog for less cost and fewer gross diapers to change. It's up to you.

Inspiration

So. My sisters are all very creative and always have these amazingly inspirational or fun blog posts to read. I've known this as fact for some time but am now still awake at 140 am because I could not stop reading them. So I'm inspired. I'm not sure if it's due to me just wanting to be expressive or due to the fact that I can't have my sisters being more wordsmithy than I am without a fight (yes I know wordsmithy isn't a word, I'm being creative. let it go.). So here I am in the middle of the night (wondering why I hear scampering feet outside my door. Abby already went to the bathroom before I put her to bed) trying to rally some creativity. I may have used it all up on my new word, see above, but I'll try to muster up some more. Here goes.

I have 483 days remaining in the Navy. I mentioned this to my mother earlier and she remarked that it seemed like just yesterday I had 719. She also brought up a good point about my future outside of the navy. Once I am done with my indentured servitude something new will begin.

My Life.

What will I do then? No, not where will I go? Where will I work? The question is, what will I count down to? My life will start and I will have to start counting up was her point. I'm not sure if I agree or not. I think that in everyone's life there are things that they count down to. My Mom counts down until the end of school, my Dad counts down until the next graduation or conference or how long it will be until it's socially acceptable to check his PDA in the middle of a conversation (I love you Dad but it's true). I don't know what my sisters count down to. Maybe their student loan payments or something like that. There is a point to be made. I've spent the past few years of my life waiting for something to end and I'm going to be faced with the task of building a future. I think about this a lot actually. What will I want to do with my life when it is no longer ruled by my profession? We'll delve into that later.

Slice and Dice

So I just had three weird needle like slicer things stuck into me (one of them in a very sensitive area). I wish that I could say it was cool but I don't remember it at all. They strapped me down on a somewhat creepy cross-like bed and make small talk, not mentioning that they're about to be exposing me and touching me in areas that no woman ever has. I'm glad that they were wearing masks and therefore I can never recognize them. I would be way too embarrassed. It is way to cold in the o.r. Luckily I was on muscle relaxants and that countered the effects of the "chill." Thank God for small mercies. Percocet is another blessing. I didn't really think that it was necessary until this afternoon. After driving around getting my prescription filled and walking around the house, when the previous pill wore off it was not fun. Now I'm happy. Ice cream helps as well. I also have tickets for California! Socal here I come. The beach, the sun, In-N-Out, Carl's Jr., good mexican food, In-N-Out, people that know how to drive on the freeway, In-N-Out, In-N-Out . . . do you get the idea?

Moving

So, as most of my continuous readers know, I'm in the process of moving right now. This has proved to be a rather exhausting process. Despite my best efforts, I can't seem to get anything out of my old apartment. By the time that I get out of work I can't even fathom the idea of stopping by my apt. before going home. I just want to go home and relax then sleep! Of course when I get home there are 4 children between the ages of 3 and 10 that apparently only ever want to play with me, so I almost always have to appease them before they go to sleep. I'm good with kids but that has it' s draw-backs. They get all pissy when I don't play with them. Damn children! I've been awake since 3 am on duty, leave me alone!!! But they're so cute, I can't help but love them. Who knew I'd end up a kid person? I never thought that I would be that good with kids.

Bitches

Good news, I got more of my right arm done! One more sitting and it'll be complete.

So i got in touch with an old friend from high school via facebook the other day. I was perusing his profile and one of the first things that I noticed was that he was part of not one but two groups called "Fuck the Troops." I thought that it was a joke or something, but they were completely serious. Essentially these people believe that since all personnel in the military volunteered for service and we are fighting "stupid, senseless wars" those of us in the armed services are directly supporting the ruination of America. I paraphrase of course. I sent him a message asking WTF? I also mentioned that I've done many things in the Navy that have safeguarded the security of the country (obviously I can't give any explanation). His response was practically an essay on how I'm dilluded and an idiot and he thinks that my 6 months away from home on deployment were a joke. No surprise, I want to punch him in the face.

I despise, loathe. and detest my job. Get me out of this shit-hole, please.

I hate my job.